PULLABADBITCH 101

BBLDrizzy

BIO 103 this, PSYC 110 that, welcome to PULLABADBITCH 101 fresh dipshits. This course is an all inclusive class of chode dicks and mosquito tits, cuz who doesn’t want a bad bitch. Fortunately, your pool of baddies isn’t limited, you have 3 sororities (Theta, PiPhi & Aeris), 18 women’s sports teams, 500 clubs, 2,000 courses, and 3,388 female-identifying students to work with. 

Before getting into course content, DISCLAIMER: The inability to pull a bad bitch even after this course is your own fault; you’re prob just a creepy perv with stank ass breath and that’s not our fault now is it. 

This will be the easiest class you take, or not. Results per student will vary significantly: you will either find your future MILF or die alone in your mom’s basement, so let’s get to class.

  • Shut the fuck up. This is the biggest rule of thumb. If you pathetically attempt to strike up a convo with a baddie and she’s not reciprocating literally anything your dumbass is saying, just shut up. Let me put this into a mathematical analogy for you geeky dweebs: The more you talk, the logarithm of your chances with this baddie approaches negative infinity. No bad bitch wants to listen to you mansplain CourseTable, or listen to whatever dumb shit you’re saying (unless you’re giving pset answers or talking about buying a yacht named after her). So just shut the fuck up.

  • Be her bitch. You’re a man (or male-identifying) so prove yourself. Carry all her things, open all doors, buy her flowers (they’re not even 20 bucks at GHeav), obey the sidewalk rule, don’t be a petty little fuck and respond to texts in 2 hour intervals. Since she’s bad, you might as well be the bitch. Yea your sigma-wolf pack might give you shit for “being her bitch,” but at the end of the day you’re backshotting–or abstinently cuddling–your baddie and they’re not. 

  • Consent. Let’s talk about consent, you pathetic animals; special shoutout to our future frat rushers & brothers. Repeat after us: WHEN A BADDIE SAYS NO, NO MEANS NO! If you didn’t understand it in English, here it is in Spanish: CUANDO UN(A) BADDIE DICE NO, NO SIGNIFICA NO! You stupid fuck. Rumpus has a wall of dried nut sacks of past sexual offenders, so let’s think with the right head. 

This pretty much wraps up PULLABADBITCH 101. For any self proclaiming alpha fuck who disagrees with course content, congrats on being a future beer-bellied alcoholic dipshit. Rumpus looks forward to hosting your wife’s divorce party.

Yale Rumpus