“I’M A VISUAL LEARNER,” SAYS STUDENT WHO IS ACTUALLY JUST DUMB

Hanky $panky

At approximately 2:47 PM in Marsh Lecture Hall, Olivia Ploof frantically interrupted her Math 115 professor who was in the midst of explaining how to calculate the volume of a solid of revolution. “I’m just having a hard time picturing this. Is there another way you could explain it?” After a short pause, she added that, “I’m a visual learner.”

The professor — who by this point in the semester was well aware of Olivia’s identification with the visual learning style — obliged, pulling up a 3D rendering to reinforce the concept.

Blindly convinced that her learning style was the reason she was failing to grasp the concept as quickly as her peers, Olivia remained oblivious to the fact that she remained the slowest in the class to understand even after the professor provided a visual aid. After a few fruitless moments trying to make sense of the graphic, Olivia nodded, feigning understanding.

“Yeah, no, it really helps me to learn visually, too,” commented her classmate Rachel Lowe after class. “But I can also totally learn non-visually without any trouble whatsoever.”

“Oh, yeah, she’s just a really dumb student,” remarked the Professor in a later email exchange with the Rumpus team. “Honestly she’s just a bad learner. Problem is, I have to sort of play along with it in class because she’s a big donor kid. Not that I really give a shit. It’s all As for everyone these days. Except Olivia, of course.”

At press time, Olivia was busy comparing notes with her esteemed classmate Edwin Schloon.