CLASS OF 2028 BY THE NUMBERS

Aug 27

49 States Represented (get rekt North Dakota)

62 Countries Represented

2146 Incoming Students

1812 Students From New York

69% White (Trash)

774 People Who Want To Try Out For Acapella

6 Who Can Actually Sing

2 Evil Step Sisters

1 Orphan Forced To Do All The Housework By Her Wicked Stepmother

22 Boys Who Kiss Their Parents On The Lips

329 Long Distance Relationships

328 Future Turkey Drops

7 Dudes Who Shave Their Pubes Into An Avatar Arrow

7 Dudes Getting Way More Head Than You

5 Potential Future US Presidents

25 Potential Future US President Assassinators

18 Future Rumpus 50 Hottest Honorees

1521 Valedictorians From A Small Town Coming To Show Yale Who They Are

12 Smurfs

1266 Virgins At Orientation

1 Virgin At Commencement (Loser)

2146 People Who Rejected Harvard

1 Set Of Conjoined Twins (Do I Count Them As One Or Two?)

Yale Rumpus

DUMB STUDENT DOES INDEED ASK STUPID QUESTION AFTER BEING NAIVELY REASSURED THIS IMPOSSIBLE