Yale Man™ confused by question "Do your parents know about us?"

Sol Thompson

What He Was Asked	What He Responded	What He Meant
“Do your parents know about us?”	“What do you mean, “us”? My dad still thinks you’re my friend that went on spring break with me.”	“No.”
“Are we dating?”	“Just because I put you on my snap story doesn’t mean that we’re dating.”	“No.”
“Why don’t you ever text me back?”	“I don’t believe in long texts.”	“I’m not trying to get emotionally invested.”
“What are we?”	“Huh?”	“Huh?”
“Can we go out for dinner?”	“Like Silliman?”	“You’re not worth a trip to Prime 16.”
“I’m a linguistics major”	“Oh, cool. I’m in econ.”	“Show me what dat linguam do.”
“What are you doing tonight?”	“My roommate is out of town.”	“Sex.”
“Who was that on the phone?”	“My mom.”	“My ex.”
“That one’s too real”	What? “My mom?”	He was genuinely confused.
“Are you going to Woad’s tonight?”	“Maybe.”	“Yeah, I guess I’ll have sex with you.”
“How do you know my suitemate?”	“I don’t remember.”	“DFMO”
“Why are you crying?”	“I don’t want to talk about it.”	Rumpus isn’t sure, but we’re worried.
“What residential college are you in?”	“Ben Franklin.”	“I don’t want to have sex with you tonight”
“I’m class of 2018; why do you ask?”	“No reason.”	“That’s five out of seven”
“Should we go?”	“Let’s stay for one more drink.”	“I’m not confident enough in my fragile masculinity to make a move yet.”
“Did you actually just say that?”	“I’m drunk?”	“I’m not drunk enough to blame this on how drunk I am.”
“Did you just cum?”	“No.”	“Yes.”