Why DS Kids Don't Have Fun

Andi vonHilsheimer

Henry Loughlin 

The Death of DSocrates, 2017

Oil on Canvas

When Rumpus got reports of a group of DSers partying like it's B.C. '99 last weekend, we figured the best way to recount the night with you all was through verse. So we present to you in all its glory, the story of a true Greek tragedy on Old Campus:

Twas the middle of midterms, and all through Vandy’s annex suites

Scrawny, pale DS kids were dressed up in sheets

The poor DS kids, tired of being the butt of the joke,

Proved that they, too, could drink, party, and smoke

Amidst his first hook up, one boy puked on the floor,

Another kept shouting “I’ve never been drunk before!”

In the heat of the moment, a boy grabbed one of the chairs,

And just for fun, threw it down five flights of stairs

But alas, on its journey it crashed and it thundered,

And that’s when the poor DS kids realized they had blundered

Storming and surging, frocos burst into the dorms, 

And hissed at the kids who thought fun was Plato’s Theory of Forms

The DS kids scrambled when they saw the counselor crew,

But not before a bold DSer raised his middle finger and proclaimed “Fuck you!”

And that was worse than Original Sin, 

For the dean was alerted of the annex suite break in

The partiers begged and they pleaded, but the verdict was shitty,

The Dean literally sent DS kids to the executive committee

So if you’re ever wondering why DS kids don’t have any fun,

Simply remind yourself about the last toga party in Vandy A51.