RUMP’S VIEW: Guido ‘19 for YCC whatever
S.W.
As a citizen of the Yale bubble, you, dear reader, know that Rumpus prides itself as being a voice of the people. This is not a responsibility we take lightly, and we are forever dedicated to representing the Yale student body authentically. In order to maintain that authenticity even in the trying times that are the YCC elections, the Rumpus, like you, also didn’t go to the YCC debates, nor did we look at the candidate’s websites, nor do we really even know who’s running. We are being mindfully oblivious to the news in order to properly represent you. It’s not like we’ve been hungover since Saturday. Although we have been hungover since Saturday.
In fact, until we saw people participating in a thrown-together photo campaign on Cross Campus yesterday, we forgot the YCC elections were happening at all. If we were the YD“N”, that probably would have prompted us to write a piece about how the YCC is irrelevant instead of this endorsement. But we’re not the YD“N”, and our aforementioned hangover is in fact a result of the YCC-sponsored “correspondent’s dinner.” We will be the first to tell you that the YCC is relevant, in all the worst ways.
For all the ways in which we are different than the YD“N”, we have to agree with them that Matt Guido BK ‘19 is the best choice for YCC presidency. To distinguish ourselves from the YD“N”, we will not write this endorsement in a way in which it could be confused as claiming Matt has erectile dysfunction (Quote: “Some endorsements are hard. This year’s choice for YCC president is not.” Really y’all? It’s a sensitive subject, ok?).
Our endorsement rests upon the tried and true judgment of deciding which candidate is least-likely to be a SigEp brother. Initially, you may ask, “Don’t most of the past YCC presidents look like they could’ve been in SigEp?” and the answer is yes. After that, you may ask, “Isn’t measuring someone’s worthiness to fill political office based on how well gossip you’ve heard about them matches some stereotypical attributes of a fraternity’s members not only subjective, but also rude, non-newsworthy, inappropriate, and tragically reminiscent of how most of the American electorate decide how they’ll vote in the national election?” The answer to this is also yes.
But the fact of the matter is, Rumpus tried to judge the candidates based on where they stand on “the issues.” We tried really hard. We bit the bullet and looked at both Adam’s and Matt’s very similar looking websites (which really seemed more advertisements for Squarespace than for the candidates). We watched the recording of the debate footage. Ok, we actually read through the YDN’s liveblog of the debate. Ok, we actually skimmed it. Ok, we actually skimmed their endorsement. Ok, we actually heard some people guessing how long Adam takes to style his hair in the morning in the back of our Econ 115 lecture.
The point is: the two candidates have the same platforms, and Matt spends less time on his hair. Therefore, he will spend more time on YCC, and thus a strictly higher number of the candidate's’ platform items will be accomplished. QED.